5 things I don’t do anymore as a pleasure and intimacy coach

though some of them look a while to learn

I’m a little late but Happy National Coaches Day (it was Oct 6th)! For a shorter version, check out the accompanying insta post (would love if you could show it some love and share!)

1. I no longer hide my body

I was born with cellulite and have never not had it. Unfortunately, I grew up during the era when magazines were trying to convince us that it was our responsibility to get that shit in check. I remember having sex and then wrapping myself up to hide my butt and thighs so that my lovers wouldn't see my cellulite when I walked naked to the bathroom - as if they hadn’t already seen my body during the acts!

I’ve done a lot of work to shift my relationship with my body since then (you can, too!) and now, whether I'm having a confident day or a lousy day, I never try to hide my deliciously yummy body from a lover.

Lovers get to see my body in all its glory or not at all.

2. I no longer feel ashamed about using lube

I had an ex who when I'd say I needed lube, instead of reaching for it, he'd spit on me. Whether or not it was his intention, the message I received was that lube was a last resort — something I should avoid needing to use.

I now use lube all the time and without shame (it helps that I fuck lube positive people). So now when I don't use it, it's because I'm too lazy to find it if not already out or I'm curious to see how long my own juices will take me - but not shame.

Why? Because lube makes sex safer and more fun - there’s just so much to love

3. I no longer fake climaxes

I love me some orgasms and I do get frustrated when they evade me. However, instead of pretending I've orgasmed for my partners’ benefit, I just name what's happening.

Normally, I'm having fun/enjoying this stimulation but it doesn’t feel like my body is or will move towards orgasm. When I express my orgasm doubt, it reminds me to release the pressure of performing (and lets partners know what's happening, too). 90% of the time, I end up orgasming after releasing the pressure I've put on myself which is a fabulous bonus to my honesty.

4. I no longer travel without toys

I saw someone tweet recently criticizing those of us who travel with toys. Odd flex. Whether traveling with a lover or solo, I want them because I rather have them and not use them than want them and not have them.

5. I no longer assume that I know everything I like/don’t like

I used to masturbate in the exact position I was most commonly orgasming in during partnered sex. Every lover was a new exploration into my body, my likes, and my dislikes. Originally, this was because I wasn't exploring beyond what others were doing to me but even now I am still discovering.

Though I feel much more confident in naming things I'm curious about trying or feeling, I am regularly pleasantly surprised by the new ways in which my body experiences pleasure, often through the experimentation of lovers. I also learn that some sensations lose their charm and that’s OK, too.

Our bodies/minds change with time and there are always new pleasurable discoveries to be made. I hope my body never ceases to be a wonderland of possibility.

Which of these resonate with you? What are some things you have left behind or would like to leave behind?