Body musings inspired by an old photo
2000s warped body views
Google memories showed me a picture of myself from my early twenties (if I ever see it again, I’ll add it here - for now, I’m adding a picture from a similar time period). I was posing to the side in my parent’s kitchen in a black dress and I nearly disappear from tiny-ness.
It’s always striking to see old photos from times where I remember being concerned about my body. I always loved my curves (and was encouraged to) but also felt like certain parts were somehow failures that made me less than the sexiest I could be. I remember hiding in my clothing.
Anyone else surprised by old photos?
I am grateful for the work I have done so that as my body has changed with time (I’m probably about 40lbs heavier than in the above photo), I have gained gratitude for my body and self-adoration. I love waking up with a mirror next to me to revel in the sexy I see staring back. I play with my belly rolls and the breasts that no longer sit as high as they used to and most days, my feelings range from neutral to radically intense self-love/attraction.
Anyway, looking at the picture, the first thing I noticed was my adorable LITTLE butt. I grew up in a home/culture that worshipped big butts and my body was celebrated as fitting that mold (while I was also being warned not to gain weight - fatphobia was rampant).
I remember being told I could feed a table of 6 on my ass because of how much it stuck out.
I've had partners across different racial groups obsessed with my butt since I was young. I saw this pic and thought, “HUH? This modest bump caused all that excitement?” (nothing wrong with small butts, just surprises me to hear a small butt called large). It was the 2000s so my only explanation is how incredibly skinny the beauty ideals were. Last time I watched the tv show, “House”, I stopped and googled why House kept calling Cuddy's butt huge when it's a cute small butt.
Reddit answered that yeah, given who was on the screen in the 2000s, it was a real neg. That shit is wild.
It’s even wilder when I think about the intersection of fatphobia, racism, and ableism that continues rampant today and had an especially strong grip on the beauty standards of the early 2000s. I’ve personally lived through a number of shifts in beauty ideals and expect to see quite a few more. Thankfully, shifting my relationship to my body has made what the media promotes far less important to my well-being.
I don’t honestly have a point to this post— the picture of myself struck me and I felt like writing about it. However, if you struggle with your relationship to body, you can check out this post on shifting your relationship with body, this self-paced course or learning to listen to your body for more pleasure, or sign-up to work with me on learning to befriend your body.
Journaling question
If you’ve struggled with body image issues, what has supported you in developing a healthier relationship with your body?