Random notes re Latina Sexuality

from upcoming episodes of Sexxions with Paola

As ya’ll know - time has been LIMITED for me as I work on my dissertation which comes from my larger project, Body, Belonging, Race, Fetishization, and Sex Experiences of Caribbean Hispanas. So… I figure I can work smarter, not harder, right?

In response to some preliminary questions that sex therapist Paola sent me, here are some of the notes I jotted down for myself in preparation for two interviews we did for her show, Sexxions with Paola.

P.S. I edited the questions to focus on Latinas since that’s my focus at the moment.

1. How do traditional cultural values in Latin communities influence perceptions of body autonomy?

What comes to mind most is observational naming - the normalization of talking about other people's bodies, to the point of giving nicknames based upon physical features - the idea that your body is up for public consumption, whether you are OK with it or not, may predate the required kisses and dealing with creepy uncles issues (both also worth talking about).

2. How do concepts like machismo and marianismo impact individual choices about our own bodies?

The Mary/whore dichotomy and the idea that women are meant to serve men - both of which rob us of autonomy. Also, within this heterosexual framing, the concept that men are supposed to know what to do in bed, and women not, does a disservice to everyone - creating undue pressure to perform for men and pressure not to be vocal about sexual desires and harm reduction methods for women.

3. What do we need to be mindful of when working with Latina communities and sex, pleasure, consent, etc?

People are going to have a wide range of knowledge - some of us grow up in homes where the word sex, or even menstruation es del diablo; some grow up with families who offer health-related information, and some grow up around people who are excited to support their sexual and consensual growth - but the last one is rare. Several participants in my study named the importance of knowing that some people will arrive with 0 knowledge (or feeling that way) and to meet them where they are at.

4. What are some common misconceptions about Latina Sexuality?

That women are passive and ignorant - and on the flip side, that Latinas are fiery freaks in bed - just like everyone else, our experiences vary.

5. What challenges do Latina individuals face in pursuing sexual pleasure, and what can help?

Internalized beliefs such as (1) sex/pleasure is bad, taboo, and a sin, and (2) you aren't supposed to talk about sex or learn about it become distracting when it's time to get busy. Even if intellectually you disagree, they can pop into your head and cause guilt/shame in the moment or soon after a sexual experience.

6. How can we help Latinas shift the perception of sex as a duty to an experience of pleasure?

Start with defining pleasure broadly. I have heard from too many Latinas that their body is not theirs. That is an ultimate statement of a lack of body autonomy. If that is how someone feels, they might experience a disconnection with their body that involves tuning out of its messages in preparation for, or as a result of, socialization that told them they weren't meant to enjoy themselves for them.

To bring pleasure back, I'd start with introducing it in small ways, such as savoring a bite of food. To pick a stereotypical Caribbean food, let’s go with maduros/amarillos/sweet plaintains:

• Feel the softness and also where is it crispier, if at all

• notice the sweetness

• what sensations and sounds arise when you chew?

• Smell the maduro. What do you notice?

• What do the colors offer to your eyes?

• What does adding some quesito do to the flavors and textures?

(This is one of the first activities in my course for connecting with the body for pleasure.)

Now, when thinking more about explicitly sexual scenarios, receiving sexual pleasure will be a struggle for many. One activity example for partners is to set a timer (10 minutes, 20, 30 - 5 if 10 feels scary) and dedicate that to 100% receiving pleasure. People get distracted from their pleasure, feel like they need to be giving or reciprocating, worry about what their partner wants, etc. Consensually choosing a set time to be ravished can help someone who struggles with the idea of receiving pleasure to relax because there is a set structure and space for them to try on this new activity. As a coach, I use short examples of this within sessions to help clients understand what it feels like to both receive and take pleasure. 

What questions do you have? What do you have to add?