Five Ways to (Re)Connect with Your Partner
Even seconds can make a difference
It can be easy to fall into a routine with long-term partners. The connection or excitement you once felt may take a dip and leave you feeling more like roommates than lovers (or that sex feels like a burden). If you can relate, or if you’re looking for ideas that will bring you even closer to your romantic partner(s), try the following tips!
Connect via intentional moments of intimacy (they can be brief!)
While I love elongated sessions of cuddling, sex, and deep conversation, we don’t always have time for long romantic connections. Fortunately, that doesn’t mean that we can’t make the most of the moments we do have. The following four activities offer brief ways to boost your intimate connection today. Let me know in the comments which of these you already do and whether you try one this week!
Six-second kiss
If you’re used to quickly pecking your partner(s) on the lips as you walk in or leave a space, consider elongating one of those pecks with intention. Shifting from a half-a-second kiss to a six-second kiss can offer an opportunity to settle into one another’s presence and can even inspire a bit of passion (and it literally takes seconds!). If you live with one another, this is a great one to try daily.
Eye gazing
Eye gazing is a particularly great activity if you are seeking to increase intimacy, trust, and connection. This activity can be done completely clothed, in one’s underwear, or nude, depending on comfort level and goals. However dressed or undressed you choose to be, get comfortable in front of one another (sitting or standing) and gaze into one another’s eyes (blinking is allowed!). I recommend trying for two minutes. If that sounds like too much, set a gentle alarm for 30 seconds and see how it feels (some tantric practices call for 20-30 minutes!). You can choose to hold hands, touch one another’s legs, shoulders, etc., or look without touching. You might find that afterwards you want to hug, cuddle, or it might inspire some sexy fun.
*Recently I did this activity with a friend where we had physical connection through my supporting their legs on mine but no eye contact. It gave me the opportunity to observe my friend deeply and unashamedly. I began to appreciate the details of all of her features and felt my heart connecting to the beautiful human in front of me in a new way.
Hand, foot, or neck rub
Our body is covered in nerve endings waiting to be ignited and for many, wanted touch invites connection. While an hour-long full body massage might not be possible for everyone regularly, offering and receiving a massage on a specific part of the body can create an opportunity to reduce stress, increase connection, and wake up/relax the body (depending on the mood you set!). Pick one or two songs you enjoy and ask your partner where they would like to receive a massage (and how much pressure/style) while the song plays. Keep in mind that if the offer comes with the expectation of reciprocation, it can dampen the mood. The goal here is for the receiver to experience a desired and pleasurable touch without any further expectations than enjoying.
Weekly or monthly check-ins
We can learn a lot about others when we take the moment to pause, reflect, and share. Even if you and your partner(s) are regularly in conversation with one another, intentionally checking in about feelings, needs, memories, and gratitude can bring you closer together. Try answering one of the following prompts this week as part of a five-to-15-minute check-in:
Over the past week, I felt most connected when…
Over the past month, I felt most frustrated when…
It would help me feel more supported if you/we could…
A memory of us that came to mind recently was… (and how it made you feel)
I really liked/appreciated/enjoyed when you/we….
I am grateful that you are in my life because…
Invite Novelty
Familiarity and consistency, while stabilizing, can also lead to ruts. If you are seeking to reignite interest between you and your lover(s) try:
Having a quirky stay at home date night
Going on a themed or adventure-style date night
Joining a multi-session class where you can grow together while having fun (think woodworking, dance, painting, etc.)
Roleplaying, reading erotica, or watching porn together to invite some creativity
Incorporating a new toy or position in the bedroom
Checking out a yes/no/maybe/fantasy sheet and picking some new things that you’d both/all like to try together (you can find a collection of my favorite Y/N/M/F sheets here)
What has worked for you?
I originally published a version of this with Pure Romance.